Just walked in the door from taking David to his freshman orientation at Cumberland University. Feeling a little sad and wistful.
Not because he's moving out.
Not because he's suddenly so old.
Not because of the financial stress.
Not because I'm worried about him "making the grade."
Because I wish it were me.
I so long for an adventure. Something NOT related to "how are we going to feed the family for 27 days on $80. Something NOT related to "how can I help child A overcome this horribly disfiguring illness or child B overcome her moody selfishness." Something NOT related to "I'm surrounded by people 24/7 and yet am so lonesome I could cry."
Friday, July 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
What could be better?
I was thinking today about my life. If I could change one thing to make a significant improvement, what would it be?
Move? No, too expensive and honestly, unnecessary. Yeah, I hate it here, but I can deal.
Lose weight? Oh, please. That's idiotic.
Get out of debt? Boy, that would be awesome, and would sure lessen the pressure some, but there'll never be enough. There will always be surprise emergencies that put us right back where we are now.
Find a quiet spot and hole up until Jesus returns? Now THAT one is tempting. But, my family "needs" me.
The desperation suddenly set in as I continued thinking. Not only is my life what it is, but nothing is going to change it. There is no improvement. There is no...hope.
Move? No, too expensive and honestly, unnecessary. Yeah, I hate it here, but I can deal.
Lose weight? Oh, please. That's idiotic.
Get out of debt? Boy, that would be awesome, and would sure lessen the pressure some, but there'll never be enough. There will always be surprise emergencies that put us right back where we are now.
Find a quiet spot and hole up until Jesus returns? Now THAT one is tempting. But, my family "needs" me.
The desperation suddenly set in as I continued thinking. Not only is my life what it is, but nothing is going to change it. There is no improvement. There is no...hope.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
If I lived alone
If I lived alone...
I'd make macaroni salad.
I'd shower every single day.
I'd open the windows first thing in the morning.
my toothbrush would never mysteriously disappear.
all my thoughts would be thought through to completion.
there'd be grass on the ground in Animal Crossing: City Folk.
there would be entire weeks where the TV never got turned on.
the good scissors would always be in the pencil box on my desk.
I'd sleep 9 hours every night in complete darkness and total silence.
the car seat and mirrors would always be adjusted to my preferences.
I'd pick up the house on the way to bed so I'd wake up to a clean house.
the toilet paper would never run out without a replacement in the closet.
there'd never be leftover undone dishes in the sink or laundry in the dryer.
I'd never open the refrigerator to find the cereal box, or the cupboard to find the milk bottle.
If I lived alone...
the stress from working to support myself AND keep up a house would make me insane.
the silence would accentuate the ringing in my ears, worsening my insanity.
I'd go entire weeks without laughing, good, hard, belly laughs.
no one would ask me if I'd like another cup of coffee.
I'd probably forget how to speak entirely.
I'd eat standing at the kitchen counter.
I'd be lonely.
I'd make macaroni salad.
I'd shower every single day.
I'd open the windows first thing in the morning.
my toothbrush would never mysteriously disappear.
all my thoughts would be thought through to completion.
there'd be grass on the ground in Animal Crossing: City Folk.
there would be entire weeks where the TV never got turned on.
the good scissors would always be in the pencil box on my desk.
I'd sleep 9 hours every night in complete darkness and total silence.
the car seat and mirrors would always be adjusted to my preferences.
I'd pick up the house on the way to bed so I'd wake up to a clean house.
the toilet paper would never run out without a replacement in the closet.
there'd never be leftover undone dishes in the sink or laundry in the dryer.
I'd never open the refrigerator to find the cereal box, or the cupboard to find the milk bottle.
If I lived alone...
the stress from working to support myself AND keep up a house would make me insane.
the silence would accentuate the ringing in my ears, worsening my insanity.
I'd go entire weeks without laughing, good, hard, belly laughs.
no one would ask me if I'd like another cup of coffee.
I'd probably forget how to speak entirely.
I'd eat standing at the kitchen counter.
I'd be lonely.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Lord understands taxes
Well, I knew He'd come through and help me render unto Caesar. We were notified yesterday that we have a little money in a retirement account that we knew nothing about. The disbursement should arrive on the 14th.
It's not going to be enough to pay the full tax bill, but I think we can get a compromise from the IRS. The big problem with a compromise is that we have to agree to keep our taxes 100% current for five years or the rest of the bill comes due immediately. I intensely dislike promising things like that. Marriage is about the ONLY long-term commitment I've made because I am so averse to going back on an oath. Some say I'm flaky that way, I say it's because I take it so seriously.
But, I am really, really jumping-up-and-down kind of rejoicing about this "found" money. That's just like God, isn't it?
It's not going to be enough to pay the full tax bill, but I think we can get a compromise from the IRS. The big problem with a compromise is that we have to agree to keep our taxes 100% current for five years or the rest of the bill comes due immediately. I intensely dislike promising things like that. Marriage is about the ONLY long-term commitment I've made because I am so averse to going back on an oath. Some say I'm flaky that way, I say it's because I take it so seriously.
But, I am really, really jumping-up-and-down kind of rejoicing about this "found" money. That's just like God, isn't it?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Do we need another revolution right now?
Well, 3D television has been launched, I'm sorry to say. It's estimated in five years, all televisions will have 3D capability. Now, all my teen readers are oohing and aahing and dancing and saying "cool!" and such, but wait.
I'm one of those that get a headache from watching 3D movies. Two hours of a film every couple years is sometimes worth the headache. Several hours a day in my own home? That's another thing entirely. And in case you're wondering what the headache is from, I wrote a post on my other site about it. You're actually tricking your brain and your brain is fighting back. Even if you don't get a headache from 3D, can you imagine subjecting a growing brain to it?
I'm no Luddite, but I don't think this is a good use of technology.
I'm one of those that get a headache from watching 3D movies. Two hours of a film every couple years is sometimes worth the headache. Several hours a day in my own home? That's another thing entirely. And in case you're wondering what the headache is from, I wrote a post on my other site about it. You're actually tricking your brain and your brain is fighting back. Even if you don't get a headache from 3D, can you imagine subjecting a growing brain to it?
I'm no Luddite, but I don't think this is a good use of technology.
One word: Homeschool.
This School in England Is the Worst School Ever
During a fire drill at a middle school in Worcester, England, students aged 10 to 13 looked on in horror as "as a man appeared brandishing a gun and appeared to shoot dead Mr. Kent, their science teacher, as he ran across a field." It was only ten minutes after the shooting that teachers revealed the whole thing to be fake. The exercise was apparently "intended to teach Year 8 pupils how to investigate, collect facts and analyse evidence." They couldn't have just pretended to lose the class rabbit, or something?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Back at the end of the rope
Well, things were putting along rather well, all things considered. True, we had to "eat" the debt snowball, but the new contract hubby signed was more generous than the last, leaving us with a smaller shortfall each month than before. I've been getting numerous assignments, and although several all-nighters have had to be performed to meet deadlines, the cash was handy. We still don't have enough to get new clothes for the kids (and by new I mean Goodwill, not new new.) But, the mortgage is paid and there's food on the table. Hubby's been working 16 hour days, 8 hours on the book that pays the bills, then another 6 hours at night on assignments that have paid the property tax and other once-yearly expenses. We're all pretty wiped out, and most of us are ill. But we're hanging in there. I'd set aside a little money in a savings account for taxes, but didn't anticipate we'd have a big tax bill. After all, in past years, we've always had a good-sized refund.
We did the taxes this weekend and I am swinging between anger and depression. We didn't really think about being "self-employed" when hubby got laid off. We just scrambled for cash. We are still just scrambling. We're sending out resumes constantly, but there are no jobs. It's not like we've started a business, we're just trying to keep the kids fed and stay out of foreclosure.
The IRS doesn't see it that way, unfortunately. They see us as self-employed, and want to charge us a hefty penalty because we can't find employment. Here I thought I was doing a good thing, staying off public assistance. But we'd probably be better off if we were.
The final numbers look like this:
We had $20,000 in taxable income
We owe $6,000 in tax
How is that even possible??? The measly little chunk I set aside is not even going to put a dent in that bill. And we're already late with the first quarter's payment for 2010. We could sell the car and walk every day to the grocery store, forget about church and send David packing the four miles to his work everyday. That would take care of about a fourth of what we owe. We could sell the house, but that wouldn't help because I found out last month we're upside-down in the mortgage (meaning we owe more than the house is worth.)
I'm just beside myself. I am so very angry that I didn't remember the "self-employment tax," that we were so woefully unprepared for this, that we've been scrambling so hard and so fast to wind up so far behind. I'm so terrified about what's going to happen next. I'd rather be dealing with the mafia than the IRS. I don't see any way out of this mess and the hopelessness is dragging me into a very unhappy place.
We did the taxes this weekend and I am swinging between anger and depression. We didn't really think about being "self-employed" when hubby got laid off. We just scrambled for cash. We are still just scrambling. We're sending out resumes constantly, but there are no jobs. It's not like we've started a business, we're just trying to keep the kids fed and stay out of foreclosure.
The IRS doesn't see it that way, unfortunately. They see us as self-employed, and want to charge us a hefty penalty because we can't find employment. Here I thought I was doing a good thing, staying off public assistance. But we'd probably be better off if we were.
The final numbers look like this:
We had $20,000 in taxable income
We owe $6,000 in tax
How is that even possible??? The measly little chunk I set aside is not even going to put a dent in that bill. And we're already late with the first quarter's payment for 2010. We could sell the car and walk every day to the grocery store, forget about church and send David packing the four miles to his work everyday. That would take care of about a fourth of what we owe. We could sell the house, but that wouldn't help because I found out last month we're upside-down in the mortgage (meaning we owe more than the house is worth.)
I'm just beside myself. I am so very angry that I didn't remember the "self-employment tax," that we were so woefully unprepared for this, that we've been scrambling so hard and so fast to wind up so far behind. I'm so terrified about what's going to happen next. I'd rather be dealing with the mafia than the IRS. I don't see any way out of this mess and the hopelessness is dragging me into a very unhappy place.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Christmas may come now.
I have seen a cardinal in the snow. Christmas may come anytime now. I tried to get a photo of her mate, but he was so shy that every breath scared him off. He was a beauty, though.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yup, we got it.
Well, at least the last 19 days of quarantine haven't gone to waste. The two littles did come down with chicken pox. No sign of it on anyone else, so I'm thinking that it's the "regular" kind and not a "superbug."
I gathered up all the loose change in the house for grocery shopping. I was able to plan meals for three days for $50. I'm thinking surely something will shake loose by then. Right?
I gathered up all the loose change in the house for grocery shopping. I was able to plan meals for three days for $50. I'm thinking surely something will shake loose by then. Right?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Updates
Okay, well, it's been a really interesting month so far. My toe/foot is still very, very painful. I can be up and around for about 20 minutes before I MUST sit, though, so things are starting to get done again.
Hubby went to the doctor to get refills on all his prescriptions. Without insurance, just walking into the doctor's office cost $120. He's down to four Rxs now, and thankfully, the expensive one has gone generic, so instead of $500, it's "only" $300. Yowza. We can't even afford to pick them up, so I have no idea how he is going to get through the next 1o days of no sleep.
Several other unusual payments have come due this month, and with 13 days left in the month, our bank balance zeroed out. We gathered up all the money we were given for Christmas (thanks, Mom!) and deposited it, so at least we're not in the red. But I have no idea at all what we are going to do for food and gasoline for almost 2 weeks.
February is going to be even worse. In February, our property taxes (of $1000) come due. We also have several other major expenses that put our budget out of whack by more than $2500. I can't wait to see what God does to rescue us from this annual pit. Yeah, sure, it'd be real good to set money aside all year for the February pit, wouldn't it? Sure, if there were no such thing as car breakdowns, sudden medical costs, and the like.
I've asked for all the hours I can work, which means bad food, unattended kids (no, not really, we both work at home so they aren't unattended, just not as attended as they usually are) and stress. Yuck. But I'm thankful for the hours that will bring in a teensy bit of money. It's not enough for groceries even (nope, not even beans and rice three meals a day) but it's something.
Then there's chicken pox. When the Christmas break was over and the public school kids were ready to go back, we had a snow "storm" (half an inch) that cancelled school for three days. My two youngest got to play with a friend they haven't seen in a year. She's just been through a divorce and there's no time for friends anymore. Three days later, we get a call: she's got chicken pox and my girls have been exposed. Oh, and the little girl had been immunized, so we have a 50/50 chance that the variation we have is beyond our immunity.
Back in October, my mother in law and I began planning a big surprise birthday party for hubby. He turns 50 this year and LOVES parties. This would be his first since our marriage. Of course, with a pending plague in the house, we had to cancel the party. And the plane tickets his brothers bought to fly out. And his mother's plans. And, and, and...
Oy.
I've been kind of low the last couple weeks. I'm sure glad it costs nothing to lay in bed because that's just about all I'm interested in doing right now.
Hubby went to the doctor to get refills on all his prescriptions. Without insurance, just walking into the doctor's office cost $120. He's down to four Rxs now, and thankfully, the expensive one has gone generic, so instead of $500, it's "only" $300. Yowza. We can't even afford to pick them up, so I have no idea how he is going to get through the next 1o days of no sleep.
Several other unusual payments have come due this month, and with 13 days left in the month, our bank balance zeroed out. We gathered up all the money we were given for Christmas (thanks, Mom!) and deposited it, so at least we're not in the red. But I have no idea at all what we are going to do for food and gasoline for almost 2 weeks.
February is going to be even worse. In February, our property taxes (of $1000) come due. We also have several other major expenses that put our budget out of whack by more than $2500. I can't wait to see what God does to rescue us from this annual pit. Yeah, sure, it'd be real good to set money aside all year for the February pit, wouldn't it? Sure, if there were no such thing as car breakdowns, sudden medical costs, and the like.
I've asked for all the hours I can work, which means bad food, unattended kids (no, not really, we both work at home so they aren't unattended, just not as attended as they usually are) and stress. Yuck. But I'm thankful for the hours that will bring in a teensy bit of money. It's not enough for groceries even (nope, not even beans and rice three meals a day) but it's something.
Then there's chicken pox. When the Christmas break was over and the public school kids were ready to go back, we had a snow "storm" (half an inch) that cancelled school for three days. My two youngest got to play with a friend they haven't seen in a year. She's just been through a divorce and there's no time for friends anymore. Three days later, we get a call: she's got chicken pox and my girls have been exposed. Oh, and the little girl had been immunized, so we have a 50/50 chance that the variation we have is beyond our immunity.
Back in October, my mother in law and I began planning a big surprise birthday party for hubby. He turns 50 this year and LOVES parties. This would be his first since our marriage. Of course, with a pending plague in the house, we had to cancel the party. And the plane tickets his brothers bought to fly out. And his mother's plans. And, and, and...
Oy.
I've been kind of low the last couple weeks. I'm sure glad it costs nothing to lay in bed because that's just about all I'm interested in doing right now.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Figures.
We got a note that our health insurance has been cancelled. The Lord took good care of us, 20 months without paying for insurance that we were covered due to "admin error." And other than a few prescriptions, we haven't needed it. But, the error has been found and corrected so we are now on our own.
The most expensive prescription is hubby's sleeping pills. He thinks he can switch to generic, which will save us some money over the $500 retail price.
But I've broken my foot.
It's not awful, at first I thought it was just a broken toe, which doctors can do nothing for. I know this because I've broken my toes a LOT in my life. This time the bruising and swelling are not just on the toe, but the top of my foot all the way to the ankle and the sole of my foot, too. It's been five days and it hurts almost as much as that first day when I step on it. The house is a mess, the chores are not getting done (because no one is checking them) and I'm getting really antsy.
The most expensive prescription is hubby's sleeping pills. He thinks he can switch to generic, which will save us some money over the $500 retail price.
But I've broken my foot.
It's not awful, at first I thought it was just a broken toe, which doctors can do nothing for. I know this because I've broken my toes a LOT in my life. This time the bruising and swelling are not just on the toe, but the top of my foot all the way to the ankle and the sole of my foot, too. It's been five days and it hurts almost as much as that first day when I step on it. The house is a mess, the chores are not getting done (because no one is checking them) and I'm getting really antsy.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Whew, that was a long climb...
It's been a long climb back up out of the pit I fell into. But I'm back-ish. Blair is home, summer is over, the new school year is well under way, the Thanksgiving bird is eaten and Christmas is approaching much, much faster than I had hoped.
Part of what's been keeping me so busy is my new blog: Local Nourishment. I'll link to it from here, but I won't link back from there to here. Too much personal info here for the general audience I'm hooked up with over there. It kinda grew out of a dietary experiment and has become a fascinating, educating thing.
So, let's see. Where did I leave off? Goodness, but the finances were miserable there for a while! Still no regular "job", and none on the horizon, but we're still hanging in there. Hubby actually just signed a contract with Apologia (you might know them from their amazingly excellent science curriculum.) We finished book one of hubby's worldview series:
and we've started working on book 2. Here's a link to a much better picture and description. It was a lot like being pregnant. Exhaustion, swollen ankles, nausea, headaches, followed by several months of waiting, a final push and an exciting delivery. But, UPS brought this one, not the stork.
That's the biggest news.
Part of what's been keeping me so busy is my new blog: Local Nourishment. I'll link to it from here, but I won't link back from there to here. Too much personal info here for the general audience I'm hooked up with over there. It kinda grew out of a dietary experiment and has become a fascinating, educating thing.
So, let's see. Where did I leave off? Goodness, but the finances were miserable there for a while! Still no regular "job", and none on the horizon, but we're still hanging in there. Hubby actually just signed a contract with Apologia (you might know them from their amazingly excellent science curriculum.) We finished book one of hubby's worldview series:
and we've started working on book 2. Here's a link to a much better picture and description. It was a lot like being pregnant. Exhaustion, swollen ankles, nausea, headaches, followed by several months of waiting, a final push and an exciting delivery. But, UPS brought this one, not the stork.
That's the biggest news.
Friday, May 22, 2009
When Life Gets Tough, Act Like a Cavy
Cavies are really smart. They eat lots and lots of roughage, some leafy greens every day and occasionally a piece of fruit for a sweet treat. They drink only water, no soda or juices and take a bath after eating. When they are happy, they just randomly leap into the air and twist around midflight. Several times a day they tear through their cage at top speed for several minutes. When they get sleepy, they find a soft, warm spot and curl up for a nap.
My life would be much better if I followed those simple rules.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Naptime!
Please forgive my long absence. I have been much employed elsewhere.
Like for example, we discovered mold in the girls' basement room and I am throwing my hands up in despair. We are all horribly allergic, but can't afford to get it fixed. Rose is all broken out again. I've moved her upstairs to sleep, but the spores are in the air and she's not improving. I'm hacking and coughing like a tuberculosis patient and we are all having headaches. Sometimes I wish a tornado would just blow this stupid house away so we could start over.
The garage I worked so hard to unpack, clean and repack has been attacked by kids and is now a bigger mess than it ever was.
Our "brand new" (used, but new to us) car is having brake problems.
Blair is doing well in CO and I've grown into a quiet missing instead of an acute pain.
The youngest two are complaining about the lack of schooling we do. What part of unschooling don't they understand? They're asking for book reports, spelling tests and the like. I know it's a transitory phase, but I'd really like to oblige.
Hubby's insomnia keeps me up until midnight, and wakes me frequently during the tiny hours. John's breakfast must be cooked at 5:30AM and I rarely go back to bed at that point. I'm getting a good, solid three hours of sleep a night, and have been taking long expanses of naps in the afternoon. It's still not enough and I'm incoherent most of the day. I'd like to just sleep all the time and escape all the dreck in my life.
There's so much I need to be doing right now and I just want to sleep.
Like for example, we discovered mold in the girls' basement room and I am throwing my hands up in despair. We are all horribly allergic, but can't afford to get it fixed. Rose is all broken out again. I've moved her upstairs to sleep, but the spores are in the air and she's not improving. I'm hacking and coughing like a tuberculosis patient and we are all having headaches. Sometimes I wish a tornado would just blow this stupid house away so we could start over.
The garage I worked so hard to unpack, clean and repack has been attacked by kids and is now a bigger mess than it ever was.
Our "brand new" (used, but new to us) car is having brake problems.
Blair is doing well in CO and I've grown into a quiet missing instead of an acute pain.
The youngest two are complaining about the lack of schooling we do. What part of unschooling don't they understand? They're asking for book reports, spelling tests and the like. I know it's a transitory phase, but I'd really like to oblige.
Hubby's insomnia keeps me up until midnight, and wakes me frequently during the tiny hours. John's breakfast must be cooked at 5:30AM and I rarely go back to bed at that point. I'm getting a good, solid three hours of sleep a night, and have been taking long expanses of naps in the afternoon. It's still not enough and I'm incoherent most of the day. I'd like to just sleep all the time and escape all the dreck in my life.
There's so much I need to be doing right now and I just want to sleep.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
She's leaving home
Blair is leaving us. April 29th. Just a month before her 19th birthday.
She is going to Colorado to live with a married friend and help take care of the friend's two little ones for the summer. In return, the friend is going to help her get a part-time job and allow her enough time to hone her writing skills. Blair has a lot of friends in the Denver/Colorado Springs area. The friend is a woman we trust. She's stayed with us at our home, and we know her pastor. I guess it's a good thing.
But I know Blair. She won't be back. She'll fall in love with Colorado, just like I did and that will be that. I could be a lot more upset, but I think she'll do fine. She's a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders, and what I can't teach her here she will learn on her own. I'm relieved she has a friend to stay with and she's not all alone out there.
It wasn't easy to let my oldest go, but he was ready to be on his own. I've had ten years to feather my nest for my little birdies. But with Blair's departure, I know the next ten years will be full of leavings. See, my oldest is 10 years older than Blair, and Blair is 10 years older than my youngest. I guess, rather like the discovery of a whole crop of gray hair, this is kind of a turning point in my life. My days as a mommy are very quickly coming to a close.
Ouch.
It was hard for me to come to grips with no longer being of child bearing age, but I did it. I walked through it and am comfortable, finally, on the other side. I have a feeling it will be a little tougher than that to see them leave home.
Ouch.
The selfish part of me wants to make her stay. Whatever will life be like without her? I can't imagine. But I know it's time.
Ouch.
I think I'm gonna cry a little now.
She is going to Colorado to live with a married friend and help take care of the friend's two little ones for the summer. In return, the friend is going to help her get a part-time job and allow her enough time to hone her writing skills. Blair has a lot of friends in the Denver/Colorado Springs area. The friend is a woman we trust. She's stayed with us at our home, and we know her pastor. I guess it's a good thing.
But I know Blair. She won't be back. She'll fall in love with Colorado, just like I did and that will be that. I could be a lot more upset, but I think she'll do fine. She's a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders, and what I can't teach her here she will learn on her own. I'm relieved she has a friend to stay with and she's not all alone out there.
It wasn't easy to let my oldest go, but he was ready to be on his own. I've had ten years to feather my nest for my little birdies. But with Blair's departure, I know the next ten years will be full of leavings. See, my oldest is 10 years older than Blair, and Blair is 10 years older than my youngest. I guess, rather like the discovery of a whole crop of gray hair, this is kind of a turning point in my life. My days as a mommy are very quickly coming to a close.
Ouch.
It was hard for me to come to grips with no longer being of child bearing age, but I did it. I walked through it and am comfortable, finally, on the other side. I have a feeling it will be a little tougher than that to see them leave home.
Ouch.
The selfish part of me wants to make her stay. Whatever will life be like without her? I can't imagine. But I know it's time.
Ouch.
I think I'm gonna cry a little now.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Garden plans get scaled down, too
I had planned a larger garden this year. The plan included pole beans, chard, four kinds of lettuce, peas, bell peppers, tatsoi and tulsi for tea. Instead, I re-upped for the vegetable CSA and scaled the garden down to two kinds of lettuce. Lettuce is something we eat daily that isn't available through our CSA.
Our farmer has loads and loads of kale, especially in the early months of deliveries. We love kale, and most of it gets used. At the end of the season last fall, I had two batches of kale cooked and frozen. Both were used within a couple months. He also has tomatoes in great supply. There were a few strawberries last year, but not nearly enough.
I got the lettuce planted today. I have two kinds: salad bowl and black seeded Simpson. Both should do well in our warmer weather, and both should be good for cut-and-come again, which is how we use our lettuce more often than not.
I plan to start some bell peppers in the Aerogarden, and perhaps some strawberries to take outside later in the season. Once the bells and berries get a good start and I move them to the garden, I'll put some lettuce in the Aerogarden to feed to the guinea pigs. They love leafy greens, but go through a pound a week. My little garden can't keep up with that demand on top of ours.
While I was at the home center yesterday, I picked up some easy-to-grow annual flower seeds for the kids. Our yard is starting to look pretty ratty and I'm not convinced the decorative (?) grass will be back this year. I'd like to dig it up and plant ornamental edibles. But for now, we've planned some simple seedings for summer.
Unless I invest in soil, I have one more pot available for planting. I'd like to grow something for tea. Mint is always good, especially in a pot where it can be controlled. I like the health benefits of tulsi. I had considered stevia, but I hear it can be difficult to grow outdoors. Maybe that's a better Aerogarden plant.
Our farmer has loads and loads of kale, especially in the early months of deliveries. We love kale, and most of it gets used. At the end of the season last fall, I had two batches of kale cooked and frozen. Both were used within a couple months. He also has tomatoes in great supply. There were a few strawberries last year, but not nearly enough.
I got the lettuce planted today. I have two kinds: salad bowl and black seeded Simpson. Both should do well in our warmer weather, and both should be good for cut-and-come again, which is how we use our lettuce more often than not.
I plan to start some bell peppers in the Aerogarden, and perhaps some strawberries to take outside later in the season. Once the bells and berries get a good start and I move them to the garden, I'll put some lettuce in the Aerogarden to feed to the guinea pigs. They love leafy greens, but go through a pound a week. My little garden can't keep up with that demand on top of ours.
While I was at the home center yesterday, I picked up some easy-to-grow annual flower seeds for the kids. Our yard is starting to look pretty ratty and I'm not convinced the decorative (?) grass will be back this year. I'd like to dig it up and plant ornamental edibles. But for now, we've planned some simple seedings for summer.
Unless I invest in soil, I have one more pot available for planting. I'd like to grow something for tea. Mint is always good, especially in a pot where it can be controlled. I like the health benefits of tulsi. I had considered stevia, but I hear it can be difficult to grow outdoors. Maybe that's a better Aerogarden plant.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Melted Snowball
Well, I had to do it. We've been doing a debt snowball for the last couple years, and at our present rate, would have been debt-free (except mortgage) on September 1, 2010.
I just melted the snowball so we could have some more to live on each month.
Lord, please, I don't want to start using plastic again!
I just melted the snowball so we could have some more to live on each month.
Lord, please, I don't want to start using plastic again!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Stimulus package fails to stimulate this citizen
No, we don't qualify for help with our mortgage. Because we've been working hard at freelance jobs, selling what we can, cutting back to make do, and paying our debts each month, we don't qualify for the benefits provided for those in arrears. We don't qualify for the mortgage rate reduction because we have no W-2 for the last two months to prove income, a requirement of the program. The reduction would have reduced our monthly payment by a full fourth while reducing the length of our loan by ten years. We "might" qualify for what our lender called a "governmental loan restructuring modification," words that sound very much like "bankruptcy" to me. We will, of course, check into this option.
But you know what? President Obama ain't our rescuer. We don't need his stimulus package, because we have already qualified for (and are receiving benefits from) a much better stimulus package signed into effect by Jehovah Jireh Himself. So shake your head, roll your eyes, and sigh, but don't worry about us. Instead, rejoice with us that, unlike so many other Americans in grave financial straits, we have a bottomless supply of provision from One who loves us and knows our needs even before we do.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Rejoicing in Philippians 4:19-20 today.
But you know what? President Obama ain't our rescuer. We don't need his stimulus package, because we have already qualified for (and are receiving benefits from) a much better stimulus package signed into effect by Jehovah Jireh Himself. So shake your head, roll your eyes, and sigh, but don't worry about us. Instead, rejoice with us that, unlike so many other Americans in grave financial straits, we have a bottomless supply of provision from One who loves us and knows our needs even before we do.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Rejoicing in Philippians 4:19-20 today.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
At the rope's end once again
Frustration is boiling up in me again and I need to spout a little. So please, forgive me, close your computer window and don't read on.
The more that happens to me here, the more convinced I am that moving here was a HUGE error. Let's do a quick recap:
1) December 2005: Hired for a job to start up a homeschooling division of a large, stable company, we moved clear across the country, away from a place that felt like home. Interesting note: a year after we moved away, oldest son moved to within a couple hundred miles of where we moved from. Hubby stressed he would need my help, and the help of the whole family to do this new job. That was a selling point: it would bring us together and ease the pain of leaving somewhere we loved.
2) November 2006: The company decided to scrap the idea of a homeschooling line. I was very disappointed as I watched the opportunity for us to work together fly out the window. But, at least hubby was given a job developing a fiction line for the same company. We weren't unemployed, and hubby had a job doing what he has wanted to do for years.
3) July 2008: Less than two years into that job, the company started panicking about the economy and made a series of cutbacks. On the fourth round, we were laid off. We got a fair severance package, which helped take some of the sting out of the sudden, totally unexpected loss. How could it have been unexpected with three rounds of layoffs behind us? What publishing company scraps its entire fiction line?!? That's what they did. Unbelievable (at the time. Of course, since then, many publishing companies have stopped acquisitions altogether, ostensibly putting themselves out of business for the near future.)
4) Hubby immediately had four job possibilities. He went on two interviews in the first three months and both were writing up contracts for him when suddenly the jobs...disappeared. One company had cutbacks itself and decided it can do without that particular job. The other had cutbacks and moved someone in from another place in the company.
5) Aware we couldn't go long without income, Hubby wisely started contacting people for freelance assignments. He secured three, enough to get us through the end of the year; plus one long-term assignment in a field he's never worked before. He was working the phones, the email, the freelance jobs, and all the while, those other two job possibilities were starting to fade.
6) December, 2008 The third job possibility dropped out just before the holidays. That was okay though, we still had one more, and it was someplace closer to "home." Hubby started working on the long-term project.
7) The homes in our neighborhood stopped selling. "Bank Owned" started appearing on the for-sale signs. On our cul-de-sac of 8 homes, 5 now have at least one unemployed adult. The cutbacks in Hubby's industry are so deep and wide, that now there are no jobs in his field, but a glut of unemployed professionals. This glut means more competition in the freelance market, which has now also dried up.
8) Our biggest expenses are: mortgage, food, insurance, in that order. When we left the job, we decided to continue our insurance only for Hubby because of his medical problems, and the kids' teeth. I'm totally uninsured, and the kids have no medical. I fussed and fumed about the "stimulus package" passed by Congress, but then I heard that there is a subsidy for COBRA which might help us afford some minimal medical coverage for the kids. I just heard from HR. The company "allows us to continue health insurance, but as a religious organization, does not subscribe to the COBRA plan." In other words, that'll be $700 a month, thank you very much, no stimulus for you.
9) March 2008: The last job possibility dropped out this week. "That's okay," I rationalized, "because if we had to move again, we would be stuck with two mortgages and no way to unload this house."
10) Hubby is working long hours sitting in an uncomfortable chair that hurts his back, working on a laptop, cooped up in a bedroom all day with bad lighting and a screen that is stressing his eyes, doing a job he was untrained to do. He's doing a wonderful, amazing job, even the people he's working for are very impressed. It's taking him longer to do the job that he ever dreamed, and the money is barely stretching. According to the estimates on paper, we should fall about one month's income short in the next four months.
11) It's not all bad news. Somehow, miraculously, we are surviving. For the next 45 days at least, the mortgage and bills are paid, there's money for groceries, gas in the car and electricity in the house.
But my frustration and anger are building up. I want to whine like a child. I want to go home. I want to cry. I want to hit and kick and scream. I want it to be over. I hate where I'm living. I hate the company that laid us off. I hate this economy and the job market and insurance. I hate money. I hate not having money. I hate that my birthday present to Kate had to be underwear. I hate that my birthday presents to Rose, John, Blair and Christy will also be underwear.
I'm scared. I know God will take care of us because He promised to. And I've been living, breathing and eating that for the last seven months. But the numbers don't work on paper and it's a scary thing to see.
I'm hanging on, Lord, how about a little ray of sunshine?
The more that happens to me here, the more convinced I am that moving here was a HUGE error. Let's do a quick recap:
1) December 2005: Hired for a job to start up a homeschooling division of a large, stable company, we moved clear across the country, away from a place that felt like home. Interesting note: a year after we moved away, oldest son moved to within a couple hundred miles of where we moved from. Hubby stressed he would need my help, and the help of the whole family to do this new job. That was a selling point: it would bring us together and ease the pain of leaving somewhere we loved.
2) November 2006: The company decided to scrap the idea of a homeschooling line. I was very disappointed as I watched the opportunity for us to work together fly out the window. But, at least hubby was given a job developing a fiction line for the same company. We weren't unemployed, and hubby had a job doing what he has wanted to do for years.
3) July 2008: Less than two years into that job, the company started panicking about the economy and made a series of cutbacks. On the fourth round, we were laid off. We got a fair severance package, which helped take some of the sting out of the sudden, totally unexpected loss. How could it have been unexpected with three rounds of layoffs behind us? What publishing company scraps its entire fiction line?!? That's what they did. Unbelievable (at the time. Of course, since then, many publishing companies have stopped acquisitions altogether, ostensibly putting themselves out of business for the near future.)
4) Hubby immediately had four job possibilities. He went on two interviews in the first three months and both were writing up contracts for him when suddenly the jobs...disappeared. One company had cutbacks itself and decided it can do without that particular job. The other had cutbacks and moved someone in from another place in the company.
5) Aware we couldn't go long without income, Hubby wisely started contacting people for freelance assignments. He secured three, enough to get us through the end of the year; plus one long-term assignment in a field he's never worked before. He was working the phones, the email, the freelance jobs, and all the while, those other two job possibilities were starting to fade.
6) December, 2008 The third job possibility dropped out just before the holidays. That was okay though, we still had one more, and it was someplace closer to "home." Hubby started working on the long-term project.
7) The homes in our neighborhood stopped selling. "Bank Owned" started appearing on the for-sale signs. On our cul-de-sac of 8 homes, 5 now have at least one unemployed adult. The cutbacks in Hubby's industry are so deep and wide, that now there are no jobs in his field, but a glut of unemployed professionals. This glut means more competition in the freelance market, which has now also dried up.
8) Our biggest expenses are: mortgage, food, insurance, in that order. When we left the job, we decided to continue our insurance only for Hubby because of his medical problems, and the kids' teeth. I'm totally uninsured, and the kids have no medical. I fussed and fumed about the "stimulus package" passed by Congress, but then I heard that there is a subsidy for COBRA which might help us afford some minimal medical coverage for the kids. I just heard from HR. The company "allows us to continue health insurance, but as a religious organization, does not subscribe to the COBRA plan." In other words, that'll be $700 a month, thank you very much, no stimulus for you.
9) March 2008: The last job possibility dropped out this week. "That's okay," I rationalized, "because if we had to move again, we would be stuck with two mortgages and no way to unload this house."
10) Hubby is working long hours sitting in an uncomfortable chair that hurts his back, working on a laptop, cooped up in a bedroom all day with bad lighting and a screen that is stressing his eyes, doing a job he was untrained to do. He's doing a wonderful, amazing job, even the people he's working for are very impressed. It's taking him longer to do the job that he ever dreamed, and the money is barely stretching. According to the estimates on paper, we should fall about one month's income short in the next four months.
11) It's not all bad news. Somehow, miraculously, we are surviving. For the next 45 days at least, the mortgage and bills are paid, there's money for groceries, gas in the car and electricity in the house.
But my frustration and anger are building up. I want to whine like a child. I want to go home. I want to cry. I want to hit and kick and scream. I want it to be over. I hate where I'm living. I hate the company that laid us off. I hate this economy and the job market and insurance. I hate money. I hate not having money. I hate that my birthday present to Kate had to be underwear. I hate that my birthday presents to Rose, John, Blair and Christy will also be underwear.
I'm scared. I know God will take care of us because He promised to. And I've been living, breathing and eating that for the last seven months. But the numbers don't work on paper and it's a scary thing to see.
I'm hanging on, Lord, how about a little ray of sunshine?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
