As long as I keep my focus on what I know to be true in my heart—that the Lord wouldn't allow us to starve, that He has a plan for getting us employed and moved, that all things work together for our good—I'm okay.
But when I look at the reality (or talk to my mother-in-law), I start panicking.
Five kids. No income. No prospects. No insurance. A car held together with rubber bands and bubble gum. Gas at $4.25 a gallon. Milk at $5 a gallon. A hubby with health problems. One kid with bad enough allergies that daily medications are required. Me with physical limitations. None of us but hubby capable of making the kind of income necessary. A limited number of companies in his field. Shockingly few jobs at his level. None available.
We were offered a free car the other day. Would you believe we can't afford a free car? If it were something we could all fit into, I'd take it in a heartbeat. But it's a five-seater, which means two of us would have to stay home from wherever the rest of us go. And as a second car, we couldn't afford the additional insurance and registration on the darned thing, even if it did save us in gas money. Our van gets 13 MPG, so just about anything would save us gas money!
Okay. I have to stop now. I'm getting worked up again, and my hives are starting to break out again. Time for some more deep-breathing.