Just walked in the door from taking David to his freshman orientation at Cumberland University. Feeling a little sad and wistful.
Not because he's moving out.
Not because he's suddenly so old.
Not because of the financial stress.
Not because I'm worried about him "making the grade."
Because I wish it were me.
I so long for an adventure. Something NOT related to "how are we going to feed the family for 27 days on $80. Something NOT related to "how can I help child A overcome this horribly disfiguring illness or child B overcome her moody selfishness." Something NOT related to "I'm surrounded by people 24/7 and yet am so lonesome I could cry."
At the end of my rope, but hanging on to a Frayed Knot ('fraid not!).
2 comments:
I'm sorry you're lonesome. Wanna come over for (decaf) coffee? Tea? Some weird fermented natural beverage? You're welcome any time.
I don't really want to go back to school, but sometimes I wistfully wish I was doing something more ... exciting? important?
Deep down I know what I'm doing IS an exciting adventure and important, of course. <3
Excitement, adventure, a jedi craves not these things. It's clear my training is incomplete. I think monotony is far more stressing than busyness. My tendency since childhood has been "run away" when problems get too heavy and I'm battling that big time right now. Can't tell you how many times a day I walk toward the car keys with the intention of leaving before I settle myself down.
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